this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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