I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
