Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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