just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love accidental penises.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
