Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
