His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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