Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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