help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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