Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
