She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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