New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
