im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
