he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
