So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
