Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
