How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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