You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
