is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
