and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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