..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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