Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
