You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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