just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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