when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
