A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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