I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone says I win the strip club
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
