He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
