Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
