I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
