why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
