Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
