Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
