You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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