I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ttyl tear gas
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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