There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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