are you still at the devil's house?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
