I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
