My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
