Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
