Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
