When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
