This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
