mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
