i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
