I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
