My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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