you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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