I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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