Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
