Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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