I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
