I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
