You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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