Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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