He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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