btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
