I'm gonna have a badass scar
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
