He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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