Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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