I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
