So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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