Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
