i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
