The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
