becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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