the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
