I love black thongs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
