whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize