well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
