This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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