I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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