yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
