Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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