every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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