woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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