Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
