the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
