No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
