I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
